Draft of Whispers in the Dark
In the heart of the city, there stood an old mansion that had been abandoned for decades. Its windows were boarded up, and its doors remained locked tight, keeping secrets long buried within. Lila was always drawn to the eerie silence it emitted, but her curiosity never quite overcame her fear until one stormy night. The rain pounded against the mansion's roof like drumbeats, echoing through the narrow streets as she approached. As she stepped inside, the floorboards creaked underfoot, and shadows danced on the walls.
The house seemed to pulse with a dark energy, its air thick with an ancient dread. Lila explored each room, finding only empty spaces and the faint whispers of voices that faded into silence as soon as she turned her head. In the attic, she discovered a diary, bound in black leather, its pages filled with disturbing entries about a ritual performed by former occupants. As she flipped through, a chill ran down her spine, and she couldn't shake the feeling of being watched.
Draft Review of Whispers in the Dark
The draft is well-written with a strong atmosphere. However, there are areas that can be improved to enhance the narrative flow and keep readers engaged. Consider developing Lila's character more by adding internal thoughts or emotions. This will help readers connect more deeply with her journey. Additionally, you might want to introduce a tangible threat early on to escalate tension, such as a creaking floorboard or an unexpected noise. The diary entries could be fleshed out further to provide more context and backstory for the mansion's history.